(no subject)

I sometimes wonder if I'm doing people (myself especially) a disservice by trying to be nice all of the time. Does it really help for me to hide my tears, put on a smile, and say that everything is ok, everything is forgiven, when inside it hurts so much? Is it really good for me to lie and tell someone that things are not their fault, when I know deep down that it is? Why must I always be the one who's there with a kind word and a shoulder to cry on?

I don't know. Sometimes I see people who are (I feel) suffering justly, and in my head I keep thinking "serves you right", but out of my mouth comes "It will be ok, everything will turn out right". I wish I could turn away, I wish I could leave them to suffer their own consequences, but I can't. Or I wish that I could tell them what I really felt about their situation, but life just isn't like those made for T.V. movies where being blunt and honest causes everyone to have some amazing epiphany that changes their lives.

Edit: I spent awhile debating on whether to post this or not, but in the end I decided that if I took the time to write it, I should go ahead and post it. I think I've deleted more entries than I've made over the years.